“Good morning Howden-san. Would you like tea?”

I am in Tokyo. I left Boston in the US on Saturday morning, flew west for 24 hours, arrived Tokyo Monday evening (international date line involved), and I am now in the office of Mr Iwai of Mitsui. It’s Tuesday morning. I think. I’m really not quite sure.

The person I love most in the world jokes that on her tombstone will be the epitaph “She may be dead. But she was right”.

My friends Peter, Robert and I were discussing the merits (or otherwise) of AI recently.

“It’s great” said Peter. “You get some really helpful information. Just so long as you ask the right question”.

“I’ve done it again. I’ve, in effect, handed over care of my mental well-being to the company. And once again, they’ve let me down”.

The speaker was me, the occasions several in a 26 year career, and the fault mine.

“I woke up this morning. And none of the news was good”.

It’s the first line from a song called “Jerusalem” by one of my favourite musicians, an American singer called Steve Earle.

You might sympathise with him right now.

Sometimes a theme comes up with such frequency that you feel you just have to write about it. This is such a theme.

The contrast is between being Reactive (aka “winging it”) and being Intentional (“planning it”). Clearly the world would be a better place if everyone was intentional, just like me. Hmm. Do read on.

Each August my wife Liz and I help to prepare meals on a holiday in the South of England for young children. All told there are around 120 children and adults to cater for and the holiday lasts eight days.

Imagine, if you will, the following conversation...

Just to be clear, it’s not the weed I’m smoking. Please read on.

Marshall Rosenberg, in his book “Nonviolent Communication – a language of life” talks of the difference between observing behaviour and evaluating it.

Jane is a healthcare professional. She sets aside one day per week to catch up on “admin”. You know. Email, planning meetings, organising rotas, writing reports. That sort of thing. The things that build up whilst she’s out there helping her patients.

See if you can spot the common factor in these three little case studies…

“It’s not about being in a job. So often when there are reshuffles, people get upset and anxious. I’ve never felt like that because I’m here for an outcome. The outcome is all that ever matters, and sometimes you have to just take a different journey to get to the same place”.

The psychologist Dacher Keltner, in his book “Awe. The Transformative Power of Everyday Wonder” says this:

“In teaching happiness for more than twenty years, I have seen how much health and well-being we gain by being amazed at things outside ourselves. By finding awe”.

“I don’t think you’re quite ready yet”

“You need to think more outside the box”

“Try working harder on your key stakeholder relationships”.

One of the earliest biographers of Jesus, a writer called Matthew, records him telling his then small team of followers as he delegates a particularly challenging job to them:

“Be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves”.

Donald Miller, in his little book “Hero on a Mission”, identifies four main characters in a story.

The victim, who feels there is no way forward.

The villain, who starts to channel their frustration in unhelpful ways.

The hero, who faces their challenges and overcomes them.

The guide, who helps the hero.

Just before Christmas, my wife Liz fell and broke her leg. We are a few weeks on now, and she’s recovering slowly, but it’s a journey for both of us.

Part of the journey for me has been multi-tasking like never before. Clearly, like all men I took to this readily…

We had just begun our walk-and-talk, my client and I, when we came to the gate leading into the park. The gate was locked, which was strange, since in the past that particular gate had always been unlocked when we came to it.

Earlier this year there was a period of a few months where, actually, I was not OK. For our purposes here, the causes of “not OK” don’t matter. But the consequence was anxiety, and an inability to function as I normally would.

It surprised me. “That’s not who I am”.

“Have you tried the Theakston’s Old Peculiar yet?”

It’s a Friday evening, a few years ago. I’m sitting on the train, heading into North London to go to a beer festival. Good conversation (and beer of course) are in prospect.

We coaches are fond of sharing our ideas with each other. So I was intrigued to come across an on-line conversation recently along the lines of “What’s your favourite opening question when coaching?”.

“Have you filled in your customs form?”.

These days, you need one of those to ship things from the UK to Germany. Things like books, which is why I find myself chatting with Amanda, the Post Office Manager, about the best way to ship a box of books to a friend in Germany.

Bob moved into his new role about six years ago.

Laudably keen to give Bob all the help they could, HR immediately subjected him to (sorry – “offered him”) a whole array of tests of his personality and strengths.

“It’s obvious why he’s so fat” I remarked, safe in my ignorance, as I watched the clearly overweight teenager knocking back a chocolate bar and lemonade at 830 in the morning.

Maybe a bit of male/female role stereotyping going on in this 1917 painting by Marc Chagall?

We don’t know of course.

For “Teams” read Microsoft Teams, Zoom, Face Time, and any other technology which might allow us to “jump on a call”.

Yuck.

“I act” she said “as if he has all the power. But that’s not right is it? I have it!”

The Berlin Wall fell in 1989.

I remember it well, since it coincided with me doing a three week programme at London Business School.

Did the programme make me a better manager? Let’s go with “probably”.

But I do remember writing this on my feedback form on the course:

“Altruism in organisations does exist you know”.

I think I was around 24 years old when I first became a problem for somebody.

And if you think that suggests a certain lack of self-awareness prior to that point, well maybe.

Even then, I really didn’t mean to be a problem. But clearly I was.

Why?