TAKE BACK CONTROL
“I’ve done it again. I’ve, in effect, handed over care of my mental well-being to the company. And once again, they’ve let me down”.
The speaker was me, the occasions several in a 26 year career, and the fault mine.
Why had this happened? Mostly it was a decision taken above me that either I disagreed with, or (perhaps more usually!) disadvantaged me.
For “company” in the opening quote, read any organisation or institution that you or I might work for. It might not be their fault. After all, they are not there to keep us all happy all the time. They have other purposes (which we can only hope are higher), and sometimes we are the casualties.
But if we fail to recognise this, and in effect let them pull our strings, that’s naïve.
In our early careers, this type of psychological contract might work well. We put up with a certain amount of pain because on balance it works for us. Maybe we need the income, love the job, value the career prospects. But rarely does this last a whole career. We change, the system we’re in changes, and the (implicit) contract loosens.
This might not apply to you. If so, that’s great. But if it is happening to you, then do think about ways of taking back control. Control, that is, of your mental well-being rather than abdicating responsibility for this this to an employer.
Put another way, maybe we reach a point in life when we need to mature a bit. To develop a more realistic adult-adult relationship with our employer rather than allowing a parent-child one to persist.
I think of the Sales Manager being badly treated by her employer, and possibly being lined up for exit, who found herself an employment lawyer and began to reverse the power balance. Very probably still leading to exit, but now on her terms.
And then there’s the Church leader who, having been repeatedly messed around by the system, sighed deeply and found a senior role in a different part of the church.
Or the academic persistently passed over for promotion who developed a whole new range of influencing skills with which to sell his message. And got that promotion.
Or the Business Manager (me!), 30 years ago, realising that in big corporations we are always prone to being let down, and so began learning the skills and gaining the qualifications for a step into freelance coaching several years later. A good friend recently called this “future proofing”. Maybe “rebalancing” would also fit.
These things are not easy. Opening up a way forward might require us to get some external help. Coaches, mentors and lawyers all come to mind! But the alternative can become resentment, a “chip on the shoulder”, constant moaning on in-house WhatsApp groups, and ultimately damaged well-being.
If this is you, acknowledge it and take back control. Find a way. You’ll be better for it.
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